Only In My Dreams
by Sister-Cousin
Summary: Ashley has gone through a lot and has experienced heart ache, losing, and reality. How can things be so horrible? Why is this happening to me? She asks herself.Sometimes you gotta take in the good with the bad but it isn't that easy. R
1. Chap 1 Once Again

Only In My Dreams  
  
A/N: Hey everyone I just came up with this idea one day and decided to get it out there for everyone of you to read. I hope you enjoy it. Some things might not be very accurate but consider the fact that I haven't seen the latest episodes of Degrassi and have only read summaries of them but I'm trying my best. This is my first Ashley Fan Fic and I hope it's good.  
  
Chapter One: Once Again  
  
(I don't know where to start. I'm not happy. Um, that was surprising but if you just look close enough then you'll know what I'm talking about. I can't help it. I'm not happy but could you honestly blame me? My boyfriend cheated on me, won the band contest and now I'm depressed because of it. Why does life have to be so horrible? God, can you answer that? I don't want to walk outside and I don't want people to worry about me. I've done enough worrying for everybody. This is not like me. What is happening? Who am I? Now you might think I'm overreacting but I'm not at least I don't think so. Seriously since when have I become the Princess Of Gloom? It's not the kind of thing that guy's look for in a girl. They don't want to date a freak and definitely not be seen with one. Where did I go wrong? Which path did I take? Oh so many questions but not very many answers. Maybe I'm meant to be alone, dateless, and single. Call it whatever you like but it all involves the same feeling, emptiness.(  
  
"Ashley are you going to school today?" Mom shouted from outside my door. I'm not deaf but I might be now.  
  
"Uh I really don't feel good. I think I need one more day to recover."  
  
"But you've missed two days this week. I don't want you to get behind in school. That's all you need."  
  
"Mom Paige can give me the homework after school."  
  
"Whatever you say. It's your life."  
  
"Exactly. Now can I get some sleep?"  
  
"Sure. Call me if you need anything."  
  
"Ah ha. Bye now!"  
  
"I'm leaving!" Yeah mother I kind of got the point. She shouldn't worry so much about me. I need time to be left alone, just some peaceful time to myself. I need time to recover from everything. Craig's on top of world and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I try, and try to be happy but I can't. I try to smile but I can't. Somebody knocks on my door. I answer it.  
  
"Toby what do you want?" I asked.  
  
"I want to know what's wrong with you?"  
  
"I'm sick." And then I cough, "See, now can you please leave me alone."  
  
"You're not sick."  
  
"Yes I am. Now leave!"  
  
"You can't hide from the world forever. One day you'll have to step outside."  
  
"Aren't I supposed to be the one giving you advice?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"I underestimate you sometimes but you're pretty grown up for a little dweeb."  
  
"Don't joke around with me. I'll see you later."  
  
"Have a good day!" I shout as he goes downstairs. At least somebody is concerned about me but I'm not hiding. I'm just laying low for a while. I need time to think. I need some time to make sense of everything. The days go slow because I don't have much to do. My mom tells me I should do some chores but I say I'm too sick, heartsick. Oh I know that sounds corny but it's true. I mean I really was in love with Craig and then I get stabbed in the back for it. He told me he loved me and then behind my back he's with Manny. I can't believe he got her pregnant and as crazy as it seems I miss him even after all the stupid things he did. Now I know I sound insane but I would never take him back but I still have feelings for him. What a jerk!  
  
(I usually spend most of the day writing. Yeah I've been doing a lot that lately, just a little bit of everything but mostly poems. They aren't exactly the happiest poems but it's feels like the only way I can express myself. I can't talk to anybody and my mother seems clueless when it comes to advice. I know that sounds a little harsh but it's true. She's never been in my place and if she has it was so long ago and she probably wouldn't remember. And I couldn't talk to Paige because she has it perfect and on top of the world. What kind of advice could she possibly give? It would probably be the same advice: look at the bright side of things. Um and exactly what side is that? We would be there all day trying to come up with something. Paige might also say something like: take the good in with the bad but what good is there? Yeah once again her advice would fail. Considering everything that's been happening I think I'm handling it pretty good . . . maybe not. Perhaps I should be hopeful. I've heard that hope gets you through life along with love, faith, and blah, blah, blah. (  
  
Prayer  
  
I pray every night  
  
But it doesn't seem to come out right  
  
Perhaps it's because I don't know what I want  
  
Maybe being hopeful was something I wasn't taught  
  
Praying is supposed to be good for the soul  
  
But I'm just being left out in the cold  
  
Not sure which way to go  
  
Not sure when to say no  
  
I pray every night  
  
Trying to figure out what's right  
  
But what I really need is my prayer to be answered  
  
( Is that too much to ask? I really want some answers or have I already lost the battle?(  
  
A/N So what did you think? Tell me in your review! Thanks!  
  
~~~Sister-Cousin~~~ 


	2. Chap 2 Are You Okay?

**Chapter 2**  
  
**Are You Okay?**  
  
Today my mom came home earlier than usual. She's probably here to check up on me as if I were a child, which I'm not. I don't understand why she's so worried. I've stayed home alone with my stepbrother many times before and haven't gotten into any trouble, although I did almost burn the house down. But that was like years ago and my mom should be thankful that our house is still standing. My mother knocks on my door and I try to pick up this messy room but it's seems useless. Is it possible that the room looks worse?  
  
Mom asked, "Can I come in?"  
  
"_Uh_ sure," I replied.  
  
"Hey, I got you some lunch. I thought I'd treat you."  
  
"Thanks. I was kinda hungry."  
  
"Are you feeling okay?"  
  
"I'm better I guess." I said and shrugged my shoulders. What do I say, the truth?  
  
"You don't sound too sure about that. Is anything on your mind? You can tell me anything." She said and smiled kindly.  
  
"Thanks, but I'm fine."  
  
"Then I guess you can go to school tomorrow."  
  
"But mom . . . don't make me go."  
  
"Why is that?" I just look at her and I am speechless, "Yeah that's what I thought. Your food is getting cold." Then she left the room. This is not fair. I don't want to go. I hear another knock on my door and they don't even wait until I reply.  
  
"Ever hear of knocking?" I asked.  
  
"I did knock." Toby said. I hate it when he's right. Quick come up with a reply.  
  
"But you should wait for me to answer. Who knows I could've been naked."  
  
"Then next time I'll wait for sure because nobody wants to see that."  
  
"Hey is this why you came in here; to mock me?"  
  
"That and Paige gave me the homework you unfortunately missed out on. She had to go on a date with Spinner."  
  
"That's not surprising. God, how much homework did they give me?"  
  
"A lot but that is what you get for not going."  
  
"Stop with the guilt trip bro. Hey you can always help me."  
  
"By helping you mean do it for you, right? _Uh_ I think I'll pass. Anyways JT is coming over any minute to study."  
  
I sigh quite loudly, "Toby, I don't want you and your little friend running around."  
  
"He's coming over. I hope you get better . . . faker." Oh he thinks he knows everything and he's probably right.  
  
"Yeah whatever." I said. There goes all the peace and quietness around here. I guess everything will be okay just as long as they don't bother me and just leave me alone. Toby is right next-door and I swear the walls are paper thin. Wait why are the walls vibrating and where is that music coming from? I walk into the hallway and the music is coming from his room. Oh this makes me so mad.  
  
"Toby open this door!" I shouted but of course he didn't hear me so I just went inside. When I did so Toby and JT are jumping on the bed playing air guitar and drums. I stand in front of them finding this quite amusing.  
  
"So this is how you study? Interesting!" Then they both stop jumping and turn my way. I've never seen JT blush so much.  
  
"Hey Ashley it was Toby's idea." JT said and then Toby hits him on the head with a pillow.  
  
"Sure it was." I replied and tried not to laugh.  
  
"Ashley how may we help you." Toby asked turning down the volume.  
  
"Why so formal? Anyway I just wanted you to lower the volume, but you already did so I'll be leaving now. This was entertaining."  
  
JT shouted, "We'll be here all week." I just look at him thinking Toby could have worse friends. I needed something like this to cheer me up. It feels good to laugh.

"Hey Ashley, could you help me set the table?" Mom asked.

"Sure I have nothing else to do." I replied. When we got into the kitchen mom is quiet.

"So how was your day mom?"

"Oh great. I got a raise."

"That's great." I said and went to get the plates out of the cupboard.

"Are you depressed?" I almost dropped a plate, but caught it just before it hit the ground.

"No I'm sick. Do I seem it?"

"You just seem quite lately and on the last two weekends you've stayed home."

"Can't I just spend time my family?" I shouted back. This is crazy.

"That's fine but it feels like you're holding back. We can talk about anything. You know that." Mom said.

I whispered back, "Yeah I know."

"Good, now get back to setting the table." I hate to male mom all paranoid like this but I can't tell her about Craig and everything. She would only judge and I don't need that. I'll be all right. Everything will be all right. It just takes time.  
  
_**Not Now**  
  
I want to tell you what is going on,  
  
But I can't find the words  
  
And now you think I'm holding back  
  
Maybe I am, but what is wrong with that?  
  
Maybe I'll tell you one day but not now,  
  
Not today...  
_  
Dinner is going pretty well, just a normal family dinner. At least I have a family because people aren't that lucky. Some kids' parents are divorced, separated, and some even dead. There is so much crap going on in my life, but at least it isn't that bad. This doesn't mean I always agree with my parents because I sometimes don't but at least they're there. That's the point I'm trying to get across.

"JT go get your stuff. I'll drive you home." My step dad said grabbing his keys.

"Okay!" JT said and Toby followed him into his room. Before leaving JT looked at me strangely. I think he can sense the intensity between the folks and me. I don't know what to say to mom. I don't think she knows what to say. Then I hear the phone. Thank god. I run and pick it up.

"Hello, this is Ashley speaking." I said.

"Hey what's up, Ash?"

"Hi Ellie, and nothing much."

"Same here. Where were you today?" Ellie asked concerned.

"Sick. I've been sick."

"Yeah right."

"Okay I lied. I just can't go Ellie. I can't face everybody."

"If you don't then they've won. Craig is a jerk; you know that. I know that. You got to move on."

"I have too, against my will. My mom is making me go tomorrow. You know what she called me?" I ask, but don't let her reply. "She called me depressed."

"Oh... are you?"

"Yeah I guess but I don't want people to know that. It's not very flattering."

"That's true. If it makes you any happier my life isn't much better."

"_Sorry..._" I said. Her father is away in the army and her mother is at home drunk half the time. I don't know what else to say besides sorry. I've never experienced anything like that. My parents don't drink, not even at weddings. Poor Ellie, it must be horrible to come home to a quiet house with nobody to talk to, nobody to understand. We're kind of in the same boat. We both need someone to talk to, someone to acknowledge us.

"I gotta go." Ellie said.

"Okay see you at school."

"Yeah see you then." She hangs up and I decide to go upstairs where I can be alone. JT, Toby and dad have already left so I don't want to go downstairs. I flip through my CD collection and finally pick something: The Doors Greatest Hits. Then I turn on the shower and try to wash my troubles away. Tomorrow is another day, but this time I can't hide from the world. It's time to face it.

**Author's Note:** Hey everybody this is my first Ashley fic so I hope it is worthy of her. Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy. R&R!


	3. Chap 3 Hello Again

**Chapter 3   
****Hello Again**  
  
"Ashley wake up!" Mom shouted and walked into my bedroom so not welcomed.  
  
"I don't feel good." I said and moaned. She opened the curtains revealing the bright sun. "I think I'm blind."  
  
"Sweetie, you can't miss another day. It's already Wednesday. Just think of it that way, okay?" Mom said and finally left my room. I tried to kick the blanket off my legs, but it just stayed in the same place. Maybe that's a sign not to go, but I suppose mom is right. I better go to school because I don't want to get behind so I rolled out of bed and sat up. There was the sun shining bright outside my window. I think it's trying to mock me with its happiness.  
  
"What is that smell?" I said. Out of nowhere I see Toby walk to into my room just like mom did.  
  
"It's my new cologne. Do you like?" Toby asked grinning.  
  
"No not really. How much of that stuff did you use?"  
  
"Half the bottle. You can't be too sure about these things? I wanna impress Kendra."  
  
"Well don't be surprised if when you see her she runs into the other direction."  
  
"I'm glad to see that you're in a good mood." He said and left. I'm not in a good mood, not at all. I walk into my bathroom stepping on the cold titled floor. It makes me jump and when I do so there I see the biggest pimple I have ever seen. Maybe my mirror is playing tricks on my mind, but when I take a closer look it's still there.  
  
"I won't hear the end of this one." I said out loud and washed my face with some cold water trying to make myself wake up. Thank goodness for cover-up. I d don't know where I would be without it. I walked over to my stereo and put in a CD because music always puts me into a better mood. I start to sing along with the voice of Gwen Stefani.  
  
_You and me  
  
We used to be together  
  
Everyday together always...  
  
I really feel  
  
I'm losing my best friend  
  
I can't believe this could be the end_  
  
"Honey, are you coming out any time soon?" My step dad shouted from outside my door.  
  
"Yeah, um I'll just catch the bus okay?" I said while putting gel in my hair. It is getting really long and harder to put up. Maybe I'll get a hair do after school. It will be something to do.  
  
"Are you sure?" He shouted. I thought he already left. I bet he doesn't trust me and thinks I might not end up going. Hmm...that doesn't sound like such a bad idea.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure. Bye." I said and he left.  
  
_Don't Speak  
  
I know what you're saying  
  
So please stop explaining  
  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
  
Don't speak  
  
I know what you're thinking  
  
I don't need your reasons  
  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
_  
When I'm done getting ready I walked into the kitchen to grab a strawberry pop tart.  
  
"Toby, what are you doing here?" I asked when I saw Toby sitting at the counter.  
  
"Waiting for you. Dad said you were taking the bus, but I guess you forgot."  
  
"I'm always late you know that, but I'm ready now. Come let's go." I said and we went to the bus stop and waited. I guess the bus is also late. Finally it arrived so I got on and took a seat near the back. Oh look who decided to take the bus too, no other than Craig Manning himself. Oh this is going to be a beautiful day. What is he doing? Did he just wave at me and was that a smile?  
  
"Hi Ashley." He said.  
  
"Uh yeah." I said and tried to ignore him. Wow he was speaking to me, but I don't want to speak to him. He's probably doing it out of sympathy and frankly I don't need it. I can take care of my own life and all the problems that are attached to it. At least I think I can. Oh I know what this reminds me of. When I was a little kid about six, my mother used to read me the story _'The Little Engine That Could'_. She read that book to me almost every night and after the twentieth time I had it memorized._ I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...  
_  
"Um we're here." Toby yelled and got off the bus quicky probably to go see his girlfriend Kendra..  
  
"Oh yay!" As soon as I got off I saw Ellie sitting on the stoop reading a book. I went up to her and took a seat next to her. She looked at me from behind her book. "Wow, you actually came."  
  
"Yeah, wish I was happy about it. You know who else noticed I was here?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Craig, yeah I was surprised myself."  
  
"I guess he still likes you, but who cares." Ellie said.  
  
"Hey Ellie." Sean said.  
  
"Hi Sean." Ellie replied and oh my gosh is she **blushing**? Did I miss something? How long have I been gone? I better not mention anything or else Ellie might get mad. Sometimes she can be touchy about relationships since the whole Marco _coming out thing_. I'm not saying that I won't ever mention something, but just not today.  
  
_Our memories  
  
They can be inviting  
  
But some are all together  
  
Mighty frightening  
  
As we die both you and  
  
With my head in my hands  
  
I sit and cry_  
  
I arrived in homeroom just before the late bell. Yes saved by the bell once again. I decide to take a seat by myself in the back roll, but I guess Paige Michalchuk had different plans. Surprisingly she took the seat right next to me and smiled.  
  
"Hey Ashley it's nice to see you again."  
  
"Uh hi Paige excuse me, but do you want something?" I asked, not knowing anybody missed me, especially not Paige.  
  
"No, not at all. I just wanted to say hi."  
  
"Thanks, what have I missed?"  
  
"Well yesterday Liberty announced that there is going to be a talent show in three weeks. Exciting huh?"  
  
"Yeah it could be fun." I said and tried to smile. A few weeks ago I would've been psyched, but it doesn't sound too exciting right now.  
  
"Hazel, me and a couple of other girls from the Spirit Squad were thinking if joining it." That reminded me of Manny Santos, otherwise known as the **life ruiner**.  
  
"We'll get all dolled up and who knows we might win." She said and smiled. Yeah they probably would win. Everybody knows that. They just happen to be the most popular girls at Degrassi Community. I can't imagine being so perky all the time running around spreading happiness wherever I go because that isn't how actual people act.  
  
In Computers I sat with Ellie instead of Paige. Oh well can't complain.  
  
"Hey Marco!" I greeted.  
  
"Hi Ash, nice to see you. Where happened?" Marco asked.  
  
"Heartache, depression...shall I continue?"  
  
He replied, "I get the point and that can be tough. Sorry!"  
  
"Thanks but it will get better." I said and worked on the assignment. Mr. Simpson is looking better, bald, but better. The day is going by slow just dragging on. I already have tons of homework to keep me busy tonight, but maybe that is all I need, something to keep my mind off everything else going on in my life.  
  
At lunchtime I was starving so I decided to get a cheeseburger, Pepsi, and a large order of curly fries. Ellie and Marco sat at the table and stared at me.  
  
"Pig out much?" Ellie said while taking some of my fries.  
  
"Why not? It's not I have a boyfriend to impress." I said and sipped my Pepsi.  
  
"Okay it's your body." Marco said and looked at something. Ellie and me turned around to see what he was paying all his attention to. It was no other than Dylan, his crush and his boyfriend. "I got to go guys, but see you later." He said and skipped into Dylan's direction. Ellie watched him with no emotions.  
  
"Ellie are you okay?" I asked.  
  
"I don't know, not really. It's not fair. He should be with me. I try to be happy for him. I really do, but I can't help but wish he was with me." Ellie said and took a drink of her soda.  
  
"Oh I know how you feel...not exactly the same situation but I bet it sucks."  
  
"You're good." She said and giggled.  
  
"I was thinking of getting my hair done after school do you want to come?"  
  
"Sure. There's no reason for me not look good."  
  
"Ashley pass the ball!" Sarah shouted. I was trapped so I took the shot and missed. "Nice job." A girl shouted while others hissed. I don't get it. It's just a stupid basket ball game. I hate PE and don't know why I have to take it. Wait yeah I do. My mother wants me to take it to keep in shape, but I don't know why. I've never had a weight problem, nut somehow here I am counting the minutes until this dreadful class is over. Finally the coach blows her whistle and dismisses us.  
  
Thank God there is only one more class before school is over. I think time has stopped purposely to make me miserable. As I walk down these halls it feels so unreal, as if I'm all alone or not even here.  
  
"Watch out!" A guy shouted and I quickly got out of the way. Were people always so rude?  
  
_Don't Speak  
  
I know what you're saying  
  
So please stop explaining  
  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
  
Don't speak  
  
I know what you're thinking  
  
I don't need your reasons  
  
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts  
_  
"Hey Ashley come sit with us." Paige said and motioned to an empty seat beside her. Ellie and me honestly don't have enough classes together. I took the seat beside her and Hazel because...can anybody answer that?  
  
Hazel said, "So Ash how are you holding up?"  
  
"I'm okay."  
  
"Oh hun let it out. What happened to you was tragic." Paige said in a dramatic way.  
  
"I feel so much better now. Thanks." I responded so this is why she called me over here to rub it in and tell me how much better she is.  
  
"Paige, don't be so insensitive." Hazel said and smiled at me as if she did me a big favor.  
  
"Sorry! I just can't imagine life without Spinner." Paige said and waved at Spinner who was sitting with Jimmy and Marco.  
  
"Yeah that would be tragic." I said and doodled on my notebook, just some random lyrics: sitting here against my will, sitting here against my will, with an empty stare...  
  
"Um should I take that offensively?" Paige asked lurking closely.  
  
"Oh I was just---no." I said. Hey, it's just a little white lie.  
  
"So Paige can I still come over this weekend?" Hazel asked.  
  
"Yeah we need to practice. Hey Ashley do you wanna come over this Friday? Just the girls!" Paige exclaimed.  
  
"No, I mean I'm busy." I replied.  
  
"Please! It will be so much fun. That is something you need right now. It will keep your mind off Craig."  
  
"I don't think about him."  
  
"Yea, okay, whatever. Come over! I'll see you there."  
  
"But---" Darn that bell. She's already gone.  
  
"And we're off." I said as Ellie and me left school.  
  
"Cool, I'm in no rush to go home." She said looking at the ground as if she's ashamed.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
"Consider yourself lucky."  
  
"I do. Get this Paige invited me over for girl's night out."  
  
"Are you serious? Are you going?"  
  
"I don't think so. One night with the Gossip Queen can't possibly be good for my health." I said and then we continued walking. Soon we came upon the beauty parlor.  
  
"Oh hello Ashley how can I help you today?" Yolanda the hairdresser asked. I'm been coming here for like ever.  
  
"A hair cut and hair coloring. I think I might go a little lighter red." I said.  
  
"Hi I'm Ellie and just a trim." Ellie said kind of shy. This isn't really her scene, but I'm glad she came along. I need a friend right now.  
  
"Then you can go first. It won't take that long." Yolanda replied with a smile. After Ellie got done it was my turn. I took a seat in chair thinking this is all I need. Nothing's wrong with a little pampering to cheer me up. After about a half an hour Yolanda was done with my hair.  
  
"Uh oh..." Yolanda said slowly.  
  
"Uh oh what?"  
  
"Look in the mirror." Oh no this isn't good not good at all. Is that me?  
  
Ellie looked at me and said, "Yikes!"  
  
"My hair it's---it's orange." I screamed. Great I look like carrot top.


	4. Chapter 4 Oh The Nerve!

**Chapter 4: Oh the Nerve!**  
  
It has been one day since my hair went in shock because of too many chemicals. Yes, I have orange hair and no, it isn't a pretty sight. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it until the weekend so I'm forced to walk around with this bundle of mess on my head.

"It's not that bad!" Marco said, while Ellie tried to hold in the laughter. I had my locker opened and stuck my head into it. Perhaps I can hide in here forever or just until the end of the day.  
  
"Hey Ellie, how's it going?" Sean asked and I removed my head from my locker.  
  
"Good. See ya later Sean." Ellie replied and smiled. Marco and me looked at Ellie in curiosity.  
  
"Ellie, are you and Sean _hot_ for each other?" Marco asked.  
  
"Oh don't be stupid. Sean and I are just two people who know each other." Ellie responded while I watched from the sideline.  
  
"Stop playing the friend card. Ash and me know the truth."  
  
"Well do you mind filling me in?"  
  
"You and Sean are secretly dating. Come on Ellie you can't hide from the beat of your own heart forever. You got to be true to yourself!"  
  
Ellie folded her hands and bowed. "Yes, master of wisdom." I laughed and Marco cracked a smile. I think he took it as a complement. Dylan walked up to us with a ton of books in his hands.  
  
"Hey girls! Marco can you help me out with these books?" He asked.  
  
Marco said, "Oh sure. Bye Ashley and Ellie!"  
  
Then they walked off together leaving Ellie and me alone. I could tell Ellie was upset. I guess it's true what they say, **"All the good ones are taken."** Either that or they're gay. That was the circumstance for Ellie and I know she would change it if she could, but that was impossible. Ellie and I went our separate ways to our separate homerooms. Whenever I walk into this class I get a couple of blank stares. They're probably thinking,_ what the heck happened to her hair?_  
  
"So Ashley are we still on for tonight?" Paige asked while Hazel filed her pink painted nails.  
  
"Um I might have plans." I replied innocently.  
  
"Then cancel them. You need some healing from your heartache and that's what you'll get at my house tonight." Man, she loves to cross the line doesn't she? She thinks she knows everything about me and I wish she didn't.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Denial."  
  
"No the truth." I said and then the announcements came on disturbing our dispute over my heartache. Thank God! And there was Liberty on the screen with a huge smile across her face.  
  
_"Hello teachers and students of Degrassi on this lovely morning. Now here are the announcements. All of the members of newspaper staff are to meet in the library after school. The talent show will take place in two weeks so practice, practice, practice! The grand prize is a shopping spree at the mall. That is all. Good-bye!"_  
  
Paige's eye lit up when Liberty mentioned what the grand prize was, but I wasn't surprised. She lives to shop. I should know because at one time we were actually best friends. Yeah, right now I find that hard to believe. After the announcements class was dismissed and I headed over to English. Our assignment is write a poem portfolio, which consists of a whole bunch of different poems written by us students. This could actually be fun and quite fulfilling. I love writing poems and songs. I can express all my feelings and put them into writing without being asked any questions.  
  
**---Leave Me Alone---**  
  
_Don't look at me  
  
Don't pretend like you see  
  
Don't act like you care  
  
Don't pretend like you have no fear  
  
Because you don't understand  
  
You don't walk in my shoes  
  
There is no way you can  
  
Because you're never ever blue  
  
Miss Popular get out of here  
  
Miss Popular you don't care  
  
Just let me be  
  
Only I can see  
  
Do me a favor Miss Popular  
  
Leave me alone..._  
  
What the heck is he doing? Why is he pacing back and forth in front of my locker? I need to get into there before I go to Algebra, but I can't just walk over there and act casual. That is not how I work, but I need to get my book or else I'll get detention. That wouldn't exactly be the whipped cream topping to an already bad day. Fine, I'll just walk over there and pretend I don't see him.  
  
"Hello Ashley!" Craig said.  
  
"Oh hi. I didn't see you there."  
  
"I deserve that so how are you?"  
  
"Horrible, isn't that you what you want to hear?" I said and slammed my locker. Then I heard Manny's footsteps behind me, so I turned around. But Manny wasn't there for me.  
  
"Well I see you're busy now so I'll get out of your way. Bye Craig!" I said and walked away quickly.  
  
What is Craig trying to do? Is he actually attempting to get on my good side? He can try as hard as he wants, but it will never happen. Manny and him make me sick to my stomach. They're always making out and don't care who sees them. It is so gross! No wonder she got pregnant. She has no control and neither does Craig. Darn racing hormones!  
  
"Hello class I have a little surprise for you...a pop quiz so put away all your books. All you'll need is a pencil or pen." Mr. Armstrong announced and passed out the quizzes. Well isn't this ironic? So the test was pretty easy considering I wasn't prepared. I did study, but I just kept thinking about someone, uh something I mean. Oh whom am I kidding?  
  
"Ashley want to walk home together?" Ellie asked.  
  
I replied, "_Uh_ sure."  
  
"What is wrong? You're too quiet."  
  
"I'm always quiet you know me."  
  
"Is it Craig?"  
  
"No...I was just thinking about Paige's sleep over tonight. She won't let me hear the end of it."  
  
"Oh I see. You want to go don't you?" Ellie said and laughed.  
  
"Kinda, but that is stupid right?"  
  
"No not really. Go if you want to and tell me about everything that happens. Then we can laugh about it Saturday when we have an actual girl's night."  
  
"Alright I'll go but only for observation."  
  
"Yeah okay."  
  
"Hey do you want to come along?" I asked.  
  
"No thank you. I'll leave this to you carrot top."  
  
"You're funny." I said sarcastically and we said our good-byes. When I got inside Toby was already home.  
  
"Hey little bro, so how was your day with Kendra?"  
  
"You're right the cologne wasn't a good idea." He said, took a seat on the couch and opened a bag of chips.  
  
"So I take that it didn't go too smooth."  
  
"Yeah instead of her running away though she just laughed in my face."  
  
"Oh I'm sorry. Are you still together?" I asked hoping they were because I would hate to see him with a broken heart.  
  
"Yeah, but she made me promise her to never wear that smelly cologne again."  
  
"That's good. Can you tell mom and dad that I'm going to Paige's to spend the night?"  
  
"You at Paige's. There has to be a story behind this."  
  
"There is, but let's not get into the details." I said and went upstairs. I threw on a gray and black striped shirt and a pair of blue jeans. Then I gathered up my sleeping bag, pillow, and overnight clothes. I wish Ellie would come with me. Should I call Paige and tell her I decided to come over or should I make a surprise entrance? Yes, I love surprises.  
  
"Bye Toby!" I said and walked outside. As I was about to make my way around the corner a car came zooming by and stopped in front of my house. Paige and Hazel got out of the car and started making their way to my door. I ran up to them out of breath.  
  
"Oh Ashley we were just going to come pick you up!" Paige announced and gave me a big hug.  
  
"Was that part of the plan?" I asked catching my breath.  
  
"No, but it was getting late and I thought you were having second thoughts. But now that you're here lets rock and roll."  
  
"Okay." I said and got into the car. When I got inside there I saw Manny in the seat next to me and she was trying so hard to ignore me. Yeah, well I was trying even harder to ignore her.  
  
Hazel was sitting up front with Paige. "So Ashley do you mind if we stop at the video store to get some movies and snacks?"  
  
"Oh yeah that's fine with me." I said and started to play with the ring on my left finger. Then the car stopped and we went into the video store. Paige, Hazel and Manny decided to rent She's All That and Chasing Liberty, not my kind of movies, but I said yes and went along with it.  
  
"Hazel and me are going to go upstairs for a moment, but we'll come back in a few minutes. Now what shirt did you want to borrow Hazel?" She said and her voice got quieter as they walked up stairs until it disappeared completely.  
  
"**God**, why does she have to go and do that?" I said out loud wishing I would've kept my mouth shut.  
  
"That's nice. Very Nice." Manny shouted.  
  
"What do you expect seriously? I'm not going to be all buddy/buddy with you suddenly. Manny you stole my boyfriend. These kind of things take a while to work themselves out."  
  
"Oh Ashley give it a rest. You've made quite a scene already telling the whole cafeteria I was pregnant with Craig's baby. I don't need you to bring it up again. I feel horrible already as it is, okay so drop it."  
  
"Fine, but you brought this to yourself." She just sighed and went into the kitchen. A few minutes later I heard some popcorn popping in the microwave. This is turning out to be a lovely night, but I brought this onto my self. I would've never come if I knew Manny was going to be here. Paige came downstairs holding a container of make-up and I turned on the movie.  
  
"Make-overs girls! Manny you're up first." Paige shouted and Manny sat beside her.  
  
"Cool, but just as long as you don't make me look like a clown." I laughed at that, but for my own reasons. She already wears too much make-up as it is.  
  
"Ashley can I give you a make-over?" Hazel asked with puppy eyes and her hands folded.  
  
"Yeah if it will make you happy?" I smiled and she started with some eye shadow, but I don't know what color. When we were all done Paige and Hazel told us to go look in the mirror so Manny and I got up and walked over to the mirror. When we saw our colorful faces in the mirror we started to crack up and so Paige and Hazel, the people who did this to us. I had two black eyes, red blush and bright orange lips. Then the door rang. "I'll get it."  
  
When I opened the door in came Jimmy, Spinner, Marco...and Craig.  
Jimmy shouted, "Nice make-up job Ashley. Can I get one too?"  
  
"Ashley, next time warn us. _Hey ladies**!**_" Spinner said and went over to Paige and the others. Marco and Jimmy followed him. Craig stood there and stared at me with my face covered in too much blush and eye shadow along with my orange hair. Wow, that must been a scary image!  
  
"Hey baby." Manny yelled claiming her man, pretty lame man if you ask me? Craig turned away from me and hugged his girlfriend followed by a long kiss. Someone put me out of my misery now...any minute now. I'm waiting!  
  
"Come sit with me."  
  
"Uh I will in a minute, but I need to talk to Ash." Craig said. Then Manny looked and me and I swear I thought she was going to come attack me.  
  
"I'll miss you."  
  
"Save a seat for me." He replied. "Let's go somewhere to get some privacy." So I followed him outside like a fool on a leash.  
  
"What is it?" I asked.  
  
"I wanted to say sorry."  
  
"I think you just did. Now can I go?"  
  
"I know I broke your heart and I'm so sorry believe me. I feel really bad for cheating on you. Will you forgive me?"  
  
"Whatever Craig! If you felt so bad why didn't you lie to me in the first place?"  
  
"I was stupid and got caught up in the moment. I just want to make things right between to you and me so are we friends?" He smiled as if everything was okay, but the truth was it isn't?  
  
"Do you really want to know my answer Craig? Do you?" I shouted, but he just stood there like an idiot with his hands in his pocket. "**No**. The answer is no. I admit it I loved you, but you aren't ready for a commitment like that. So go back to Manny and leave me alone...forever." Then I ran and felt the tears running down my cheek.  
  
"Ashley wait." But I didn't answer I just kept running into the night and didn't turn back, not once

**Authors Note: So did you like it? I think it is pretty good. Please R&R!**


	5. Chapter 5 It's Time For Some FUN?

**Chapter 5: Time For Some FUN?**  
  
Last night I experienced a horrible nightmare, but I wasn't asleep. There was no way I could wake up. There was no way I could've stopped it. There was no chance of it disappearing. I should've never gone to her stupid sleepover, but no I insisted on going. Maybe I can skip school on Monday or the rest of the week, better yet the rest of the year. The ringing of my telephone knocked these thoughts out of my head.  
  
"Hey Ashley, can I still come over tonight?"  
  
I replied, "I don't know, Ellie. I'm not exactly in the mood for company."  
  
"But I'm only one person, not company."  
  
It is already two o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my plaid pajamas. I haven't eaten anything or done anything productive. In fact I haven't stepped out of my bed. I just don't feel like doing anything. I guess you could call me lazy.  
  
"But I'm grumpy. _Grrr!"_  
  
"I don't mind." Ellie said.  
  
"You don't want to come over tonight. Toby is inviting JT over tonight and they always run around getting on everybody's nerves. I don't think you want that."  
  
"I need a little entertainment. Besides I need a little cheering up. Please Ashley I need to get out of this house."  
  
"Fine, but I warned you."  
  
"Yeah, you did. I'll be over at seven." Ellie said and hung up. Great, now I have an actual reason to get out of bed. I slipped on my warm slippers and walked into my bathroom and stared at my hair in the mirror. Man, I really got to do something about this hair. It's driving me crazy. Hmm...maybe I can go get it colored before Ellie comes over. I take a long, warm shower, get ready and go downstairs.  
  
Jeff asked, "Where are you going?"  
  
"I need to do something about this hair. Do you mind if Ellie spends the night?" I asked while grabbing an apple.  
  
"Sure, that sounds good." Mom walked into the kitchen holding the newspaper and an empty glass.  
  
"Oh Ashley you're up." She said.  
  
"I've been up."  
  
"Are you okay? I was worried."  
  
"Mom, don't worry about me. I'm fine. I need to go, but I'll be back in a couple of hours. Love you. Bye!" I said and headed out the door. This time I'm going to a different hair salon that isn't too far away from the house. It's just passed the ice cream shop and just guess who I saw when I came upon at the ice cream shop, yep no other than Manny and Craig. They were sharing an ice cream cone. Manny saw me, but just ignored me. I kept walking until I reached the hair salon, where everything would hopefully go smoothly.  
  
"Hello how can I help you?" The hairdresser asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm here to get my hair dyed. It didn't go too well last time as you can tell." I responded as I ran my hands through my hair.  
  
"So this is an emergency? It's nothing that some hair coloring can't fix. Take a seat. By the way my name is Jane."  
  
"I'm Ashley."  
  
"Hon, do you have anything in mind?"  
  
"Some red and black but please anything besides orange."  
  
Jane smiled, "Okay I know what to do. Just relax, sweetie."  
  
I read The Rolling Stones while she did my hair. It took a while, but it is better that being cooped up in my room. It can't be healthy being miserable all day. Soon there will be no more jokes about my hair. It will be back to normal, but I just wish everything else would go back to normal.  
  
"Ashley, I'm all done." Jane said.  
  
"Oh I love it. Thanks!"  
  
"You're welcome, dear. Come back soon."  
  
"I will. Bye!" I said and went home.  
  
Jeff and the rest of my family liked my hair. Mom said it suited me so that was cool. I went to upstairs and cleaned my bedroom so it would look somewhat presentable. JT was already here and him and my brother were playing monopoly downstairs. The doorbell rang so I rushed downstairs.  
  
"Ashley, Ellie is here!" Mom shouted.  
  
"Yeah I know." I said.  
  
"Thanks for having me over Mrs. Kerwin." Ellie commented.  
  
"Awe, it's no problem. Girls, what do you want for dinner?"  
  
"Let's make some pizza." I suggested and Ellie nodded. My mom took her backpack and sleeping bag to my room, while we headed into the kitchen.  
  
"So I like the hair. It's so not orange." Ellie said.  
  
"Thanks, but don't mention that again. It is in the past."  
  
"At least I took plenty of pictures."  
  
"Keep rolling the dough."  
  
"So how was yesterday with Paige?"  
  
"You had to go there."  
  
"Yep, so what happened?"  
  
"Drama, and more drama. Manny was there and so was Craig. He begged for my forgiveness and I ended up going home. That reminds me all my stuff is still over there. Great, I got sauce all over me." Ellie tossed me a washrag and I tried to get it off, but I just made a bigger mess.  
  
"Well Iast night wasn't too great for me either. My dad called and said he wasn't coming home anytime soon. Then my mom crashed out on the couch drunk once again. She's a mess and I really miss my dad. He used to keep it all together."  
  
"That's why you wanted to come over here, huh?"  
  
"You caught me. Hey what is that noise?" Ellie asked and then we went to check it out. Inside my brother's room we saw Toby and JT in capes that were actually towels playing football with socks? Ellie and me watched them running around and yelling as if this was an actual sport.  
  
JT shouted, "Touch down! Ooo, ooo! Yeah I'm good!" Then he started doing a victory dance. At least he was trying to dance. Ellie and I burst out laughing and couldn't control it any longer.  
  
"Oh hi lovely sister of mine and Ellie. JT you can stop dancing now!" Toby shouted and JT stopped dancing immediately  
  
"Hey ladies! Tobs and I were just playing a game of sock football. Toby was going to cry if I didn't play with him."  
  
"No, I wasn't. This was your idea like it always is. I wanted to play chess."  
  
"Um we're going to go now so you can settle this out. Pizza will be done in 20 minutes." I said and closed the door behind me.  
  
"Are they always like that?" Ellie asked and giggled.  
  
"Pretty much, but it's pretty funny isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah it sure is. I'm starving."  
  
"Me too."  
  
After Ellie and I ate dinner we went upstairs to my room and decided to watch Ocean's Eleven. We painted our nails while we watched the movie. This was so much better than spending time with Paige and all her friends. She knew Craig was coming over along with Manny. In fact she probably set the whole thing up.  
  
Ellie shouted, "I love this part. Can you pass the popcorn?"  
  
"Yeah. Here so Ellie what is up with you and Sean?" I asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard me and let's try the truth this time."  
  
"We're really good friends."  
  
"Just friends?"  
  
"Maybe more."  
  
"Maybe?"  
  
"Okay I like him and he likes me. Marco was right. We are secretly dating as lame as that sounds. I just didn't want you and Marco making a big deal out of it." I started laughing.  
  
"I'm not so is it...serious? Are there sparks when you look him in the eyes? Better yet do you see fireworks when you kiss?"  
  
"Excuse me, but that's very personal." Ellie blushed.  
  
"Oh my Ellie you're blushing. I've never seen you this happy since...since you were dating Marco."  
  
"That reminds me don't tell him."  
  
I asked, "Why not?"  
  
"Because he'll tell me 'I told you so.' Besides I should be the one to tell him."  
  
"You're not going to tell him, are you?"  
  
"I will!" Ellie said and ate some more popcorn while I munched on chocolate cream filled Oreos. I love chocolate. You can never have too much chocolate. Then there was a knock at my door.  
  
"Come in." Ellie and me shouted in unison. Then Toby and JT ran into my room with cans of silly string in their hands.  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" I said.  
  
"Would I?" Toby smirked.  
  
"I would." JT shouted and started to spray me with the green silly string. Ellie and me screamed loudly.  
  
"This is war." I heard Ellie scream.  
  
"Charge!" I said and grabbed my pillow. I threw it at JT's head and he fell to the ground. Then I grabbed the can of silly string and sprayed JT. This was too easy.  
  
"Way to go, Ashley!"  
  
"Now this is fun!" I shouted and chased JT into the hallway while he screamed like a girl.  
  
"Look Toby Superman." Ellie said.  
  
"I'm not going to fall for that one." Toby grinned.  
  
"And he has your comic books."  
  
"What?" He said and turned around and she snatched the can of pink silly string.  
  
"You lied."  
  
"Well would you look at that I did?" Ellie said and chased him into his room. That was the last time we saw those two boys all night. They were probably in Toby's room clutching their pillows tight.  
  
"We won." I said and Ellie and me jumped up and down with joy.  
  
"Maybe I should come over more often. This is so much more fun than I'm used to."  
  
"Yeah maybe you can being Sean over next time."  
  
"This is war." She said and sprayed some silly string at me and I got her back.  
  
"I surrender." She yelled covered in silly string. Then I realized my can was empty.  
  
"Well that worked out perfectly." I replied and we went back into my room. I was actually having fun, something I haven't had in a while.  
  
We watched some cartoons on the Cartoon Network, and then Ellie drifted off in dreams of Sean, while I stayed up. I wanted to sleep but I couldn't. In fact I was wide-awake. Maybe it was because of all that chocolate I ate. Perhaps there is such a thing called too much chocolate and I had too much darn stuff on my mind. I switched off the lights and placed on my headphones on trying to tune out my thoughts.

**Authors Note:** So I finished chapter 5 and will start on the next chapter as soon as I can. What did you think? Read and Review. Thanx!


	6. Chapter 6 Nothing Is Wrong

**Chapter 6: Nothing Is Wrong**

Written by: Sister-Cousin

**Author's Note:** Hey following readers thanks for the reviewing and keep reading. Here is more…

Ellie went home Sunday afternoon. We slept in late that morning and it was fun spending time with my best friend. Her and Sean make a cute couple and she seems happier. Even though she is happy I'm not too sure how I feel about Sean. He sort of has a bad reputation at school. The rumor is that he is stealing school supplies like DVD players and laptops, but I suppose Ellie can handle herself. I might keep a close eye on them though.

Now it's Monday and let me just tell you that I hate Mondays. Nothing good comes out of Mondays, only unhappiness. The day goes by slowly and there is nothing you can do about it. I do the usual morning routine, grab my backpack, and head downstairs. I actually don't look that bad considering I got ready in less than thirty minutes. What? I was running late. When I get into the kitchen I see my black notebook on the kitchen table. Hmm…. I wondered where it went, but why is it down here? What is going on?

"Oh Ashley I found that in your room while I was getting you clothes hamper." Mom said.

"Oh yeah. I'm glad you found it. Thanks. I'm going to leave now." I said and headed towards the door.

"We need to talk. Ashley, I'm worried about you."

"I know, but don't be I'm fine."

"Do you really feel that alone?"

"What do you mean?" I asked and came closer to her. "Did you read it?"

"Yes, but I did it because I was concerned. Honey, I'm scared."

"Mother, they're poems. I was upset and wrote what I felt. Don't be scared. I'm not some kind of mental case and you should've never read it in the first place. I need to go."

"You're right it's getting late, but I called the school earlier this morning and put you into a program for kids with problems."

"I'm not a kid and I don't have a problem." I shouted.

"Maybe you're right, but I think you need to discuss what you're feeling with other students who have similar thoughts. I think it will help."

"I'm not going to that stupid program because I'm fine. I can handle myself and what you call '_my problem_'."

"You're going okay? You're going because I said so. Don't be mad at me." Mom said and hugged me, but I pushed her away.

"I need to go now."

"Fine. It starts right after school in room 202 so be there. I love you."

I mumble, "Yeah that is what you say, but you don't mean it."

How dare she accuse me of having a problem? I was so stupid for writing down my thoughts in a notebook that anybody could just pick up and read. Why the heck is she so worried? Everybody feels lonely once in awhile. It happens everyday. So what if I am upset? Everybody gets upset. It's only normal, but that's the thing my mom isn't normal. She's blind and doesn't know her own daughter because if she did she would know I'm not a metal case. I don't need to discuss my problems to other students. It's embarrassing. I just won't tell anybody anything. They don't need to know. They don't deserve to know. Then it's settled I won't talk to anybody in that stupid meeting after school. There will probably be a bunch of losers in there anyways. I don't like to associate with losers.

I was late for homeroom, but I didn't care. I was too upset to care. Then the school announcements came on ,but I didn't pay attention because I was in a thinking mode. The bell rang so I got up and bumped into somebody.

"Excuse me." I said.

"It's okay." It was Craig, the idiot.

"Yeah whatever."

"Ash, I'm sorry." He said while standing in my way so I was trapped.

"Um you already said that and I still don't accept so stop bringing it up." I said and he moved out of my way with ease. In the hallway Ellie caught up with me.

"Hey Ashley are you okay? I saw that you ran into Craig." She said with a look of concern in her eyes.

"I tell you what I told my mom, I'm fine." I responded. Why was I being so mean to Ellie? She was my best friend and if anybody would understand it would be her.

"Geez sorry I asked you."

"I'm sorry El, but I'm not very happy at the moment."

"I noticed. What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Will you tell me later?" She asked.

"I don't think so." I said and she just stared at me and for a minute there I thought she was going to hug me, but she didn't. Instead she dropped the subject and we continued walking to our next class. I sat in the back of the classroom and Ellie sat next to me. Whenever the English teacher asked a question I didn't raise my hand like I usually did. Why should I draw any attention to myself? All I wanted to do was become invisible or go to another country where nobody knew me, a place where nobody would know me for Ashley, Craig's ex girlfriend. I wanted a new start.

Soon lunch came and I sat with Ellie, Marco and Dylan. Yeah he decided to sit with us today out of all days. I wasn't really in the talking mode and looked straight ahead of me. I wasn't staring at one thing in particular.

"Ashley, do you want my cookies?" Ellie asked.

"Oh sure. Thanks." I replied. Maybe some cookies would make me feel better and take my mind off Craig.

"Are you okay? You're not very talkative today." Marco said.

"I'm fine. I just have nothing to say."

"Oh by the way I like the hair. It looks great."

"Thanks and I decided to go to another hair salon so that's probably why." I said and ate the cookies. Yummy and they were good.

"Well I got to go to the library. It was nice eating lunch with you. Oh yeah Marco can you meet me at the Dot today after school?" Dylan asked.

Marco replied, "Maybe another time. I have something to do after school."

"Oh okay. Bye Ashley and Ellie."

"You guys make a cute couple. You know that right?" Ellie grinned.

"Shhh...not too loud."

"Why everybody knows about you two."

"They do?"

"Yeah." Ellie said and looked at him strangely.

"I really like Dylan, but other people thinks it's wrong for us to see each other and I end up paying for it."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

Poor Marco. It would suck to have to hide your true feelings because I know he really likes Dylan. He finally got the courage to ask him out and that was a big stuff. People can be so close minded sometimes. So what if Marco is different? He's still a human being and should be treated like one. It's horrible that he gets harassed for being gay. I really don't get it. He is still the same Marco that he has always been and I hope he never changes.

My last three classes went by quickly but I wish they didn't. Yeah that sounds insane, but for once I wish school would never end. Now I have to go that program for unsociable teens or whatever they call it. Maybe I should show up late that way the teacher would kick me out. Ah ha like that would happen. I'll just be really rude and then maybe I will get kicked out, but I'm not very good at being rude. I slowly walk down the hallways and watch the kids pass me, but I keep walking until I reach room 202.

"Oh Ashley what are you doing here?" Ellie asked.

"I'm here for a meeting."

"You are?"

"Yeah are you?" I asked but she didn't answer me. Just then Marco walked up to us and stopped in his footsteps and for a minute I thought he was going to run away.

"Oh hi guys. Why are you here?" Marco asked, nervously.

"Um my mom made me." I said and then we both looked at Ellie waiting for some kind of reply.

"What?" She shouted.

"Um are you going to move any time soon?" Jimmy asked from behind us.

"Oh yeah we should go in." Marco said and we all went inside the classroom that smelled of chalk and Lysol. Yes, I've smelled better things. We all took a seat. Then from the corner of my I saw Manny sitting in the corner of the room staring out the window. This is going to be fun. Somebody coughs and I turn away from Manny.

"Hello students I'm Miss Miller and I'm a new teacher and in charge of this class." Miss Miller announced just then Liberty comes rushing through the door and the rest us gasp.

"Sorry I'm late. I was delayed because my Newspaper meeting ran late." She said.

"Alright that's fine. Take a seat. Okay so why don't we go around and introduce ourselves." The teacher said.

"What's the point? We already know each other." Jimmy shouted and sat back with his arms across his chest.

"Yeah you're probably right, but I don't know any of you. Okay will go clockwise. Tell us your name, grade and hobby." Manny was first.

"I'm Manny Santos, 9th and I like dancing." She said.

"Next." Miss Miller called.

"I'm Jimmy Brooks and I'm in 10th grade. I play basketball and I should be at practice right now, but unfortunately I'm here." He said and the teacher raised and eyebrow. I know how he feels I would rather be somewhere else too. Ellie was next.

"I'm Ellie Nash and I'm in 10th and I like to hang out with my friends." She said and looked at Marco.

"Oh hi everyone. I'm Marco del Rossi and I'm also in 10th. I like going to hockey games and like shopping with my best buds." He smiled.

"I'm Ashley Kerwin. I'm in 10th grade with most of these people in here and I like to sing and write." Hmm...well my stupid poems got me here in the first place.

"I'm Liberty Van Zandt and I'm in 9th. I like writing for the newspaper and stuff like that." She said and smiled.

"See that wasn't too hard was it so now since we know one another we can move on to the next step. Now let's go around and tell why we are here today?" She said in a cheery high pitch voice. Oh my god it was so annoying. You could tell the whole thing was an act. Who hired this lady?

"Um... I'm pretty sure everybody knows about me..." Manny said.

"I guess I'm here because I don't have the best relationship with my parents. I had this huge fight with my father and ended up saying 'I hate him'. Yada, yada, yada and now he thinks I need healing or just blah like that." Jimmy replied

"Oh..." The teacher said.

"Uh...I used to cut myself...but I stopped now. My counselor Ms. Suave thought I should just talk about it though and try to prevent it from happening again."What? I can't believe what I'm hearing. She never told me...Marco gasps and I look at Ellie.

"Marco it's your turn." Miss Miller .

"Yeah I know. I'm gay and I'm trying to deal with it."

"I don't know why I'm here. I don't belong here." I replied and everybody just stared at me. I'm shocked Miss Miller didn't ask me what's really wrong. Instead she just dropped and moved on to Liberty. She said she was lonely or something like that. After everybody told why they were here it grew silent and everybody just sat in their chair. Miss Miller sat at her desk and tapped her pencil on her clip board, which was driving me insane. Why the heck are we in here? I looked around the classroom observing the other students that got stuck in this hell hole. Jimmy was throwing around an imaginary basket ball, Marco was looking at his shoes, Liberty was reading what looked like a really boring book while, Manny was staring at the ceiling fan, and Ellie was doodling in a note book. I just looked at her asking myself how could she cut herself like that and find pleasure out of it?

"Okay class you are dismissed. We'll try to make more progress tomorrow." Miss Miller said and quickly packed up her stuff. I really wanted to talk to Ellie, but she rushed out the door.

"This was boring, huh?" Marco asked.

"And useless...I don't even know why I'm here. I don't belong in there. Oh yeah I remember, my mom thinks I'm depressed." I said and looked at Marco.

"Are you? You did miss three days of school right after your break-up with Craig."

"I was sick."

"Yeah sure you were." I just smiled at him.

He got really serious and said, "Poor Ellie..."

"Yeah poor Ellie. I can't believe her. She never told me. I mean I knew about her dad leaving and about her mom drinking, but I never thought it was that bad. Did she tell you?"

"No, but I always suspected something. Didn't you hear the rumors?"

"A couple, but I never thought they were true. I thought we were best friends."

"You are. We all are. I guess she was just too embarrassed to bring it up. You gotta admit that, that would be hard to tell your friends."

"Yeah, but I would've helped her go through it. I can't believe I couldn't tell. Now that I think about it, it was so obvious." I guess I just didn't want to see what was right in front of my eyes. We walked out of the school not really paying attention to where we were going.

"Are you going to go home?" Marco asked.

"I don't want to. I bet my mother has a million questions that I definitely don't want to answer." I said.

"Do you want to catch a late movie?" He asked and smiled.

"Sure it sounds like fun, but let's get a bite to eat first. I'm starving." He nodded and skipped off to the Dot. Marco and me have always been friends, but I never really have any alone time with him. Lately, he's been spending most of his with Dylan or else Ellie is always around. Maybe this will give us a chance to bond.


End file.
